Beer league batrep: Greg VS Lance

Last weekend Chris B had a bunch of us over to his place to get a few beer league games in. Chris played Fabio, Big Sean played Steve Brown and I played Lance. It was practically a nerd orgy. So we're clear, there is never any girls at a nerd orgy... But at the same time, it's not gay. Knowing I was going to make a batrep, I wrote down everything that happened to help me remember when it came time to make this post.

if these guys played 40k, they'd play gay knights

I knew that Lance had a gluten intolerance, and being the considerate dude that I am, got us some gluten free beer to try.

All I can say is... I am glad I don't play Lance again

 The beer was ok... but barely only ok. It was light and fruity and I could only choke down 2. Be forewarned. If I have to play another person with a gluten intolerance... That person will have to suffer hives or indigestion or anaphylaxis. I would drink bud lite lime before buying this again.

So, Like I said, I wrote down everything that happened every turn so I would remember when it came time to make this batrep, right... Well, I fucking lost the paper. I can count to potato!

FML

Now all I have is a bunch of pictures that I have no idea what happening in them. Hope you fucking enjoy.

OH OH OH!!! I know what this one is! It's my army!

 I deployed 1 tac squad in the ruins with the tank and one tac squad in the 2 story ruins with support from the contemptor. The Rapier is deployed on the left flank of my board edege. Lance deployed a combat squad in his ruins on the right flank, his dreadnaught, razerback and rhino on the left flank.

I think this is deployment.

I think I won roll off. Im pretty sure I shot at the dreadnaught and missed with the rapier. The drop pod is in reserve (It's off the table right now)

Good ol' rapier. Always misses.

 On Lances turn 1 his drop pod full of Stern Guard drop infront of my contemptor and scatter a full 12 inches back. He was not happy.

Ooops

Out of melta range, so they shoot bolters at the tac squad. Look at that hansom fellow in the back.

I think this was to hit something...?

My terminators outflanked and walked in the board edge (warlord trait) . Most of the stern guard were killed by the contemptor... I think

Multi Melta kills the rhino

Rapier kills the dreadnaught

Something something something... shit died

1/4 of an inch in his deployment... enough to get Line Breaker!

At the end of the day, I had 2 objectives worth 7 points. I got first blood and line breaker. Lance held 2 objectives giving him 5 points. Lance also took the "Only roll 1's and 2's to hit and wound" warlord trait. His dice took a huge crap on him. Good thing it was a fun game!