Tuesday, September 23, 2014

ORKS LOSE BY WINNING! The 2014 Beer League show down!


  Now I have zero idea how in the hell I keep making it to the final of this stupid thing, I play Orks, they arent supposed to win anything.  Actually that being said they dont really.  But despite being handicapped with a severe lack of fire power and armor saves (what the hell is that?) I manage to win or in some cases convince people to forfeit enough games to let me make to the final.

    So with out further delay Fabio shows up at my house, with Eldar.   He KNOWS Eldar make me uncomfortable as it is!  



 We roll off for this and that, I cant really tell you all that much because any of you who have played me know this is about the time I go and get my rye and coke and stare at the TV that will have football and or hockey on.  So Fabio told me, more or less, when it was time to start rolling dice.

  He deployed, then I deployed.  Now there sure must have been a massive point drop in the recent Eldar Codex, because I have never  thought Eldar could fit so much shit into 1k points.   And this is coming from a Ork player, who can shit pack 1k points like you wont believe!

  So Fabio shoots with all this fancy Eldar tech and kills like 1 gretchin and a Ork boy. Ok, well I say, maybe this Eldar stuff aint so bad after all!  So I shoot with my Ork Kannons at Fabio's nicely clumped up Eldar stuff.  I hit ALOT, he fails ALOT of saves and  they fail moral and run right off the board.  I get first blood and slay the warlord!

Ork kannons hit hard!

  Well at this point im feeling pretty good!  Honestly prob had more to do with obscene amount of Jimmy Bean coursing through my veins.

  TURN 2!

  Well Fabio starts shooting, and after 25 str 5 bs skill 5 shots I was like wow, im glad thats over, upon which he tell me, oh thats just ONE Wave Serpent!  Oh mother of god.  He manages to start sniping all shorts of shit.  I lose like an entire 20 man squad of boyz in one turn.  I hate ignores cover shots!

Eldar shooting doesnt seem all that fair, i was inside a freaking bunker and still got dummied!

So now im getting worried.   I shot more stuff but never really killed all that much.  Wave Serpents seeming have saves on top of saves on top of saves!

Orks seemingly safe inside a bloody bunker.  But not from sneaky Elf voodoo shooting!

  So by now im down to a like 17 boyz, my war boss and a mek in mega armour.  Plus the all mighty Gorkanaught and mega Dread, who likes to hit absolutely F'all.

  Now sadly its Eldar shooting time again.  I cant get across the table, im stuck in cover and these two legged Disco ELF shit with with 50 shots each start to target my other squad.  Its an amour 10 vehicle with some kind of stupid saves!  (why not!)  

War walker rapes my orks!

So by now im hunkered down with one gretchin and a few orks plus my mega mek.  In the not so safe building.  But like a bad infomerical "BUT WAIT THERES MORE!"  That seems to be the principle on how the eldar codex was written.

  My big mek with a re-roll able 2 up save (only one re roll per turn cause that seems good unless your getting pumped by wave serpents and war walkers) gets sniped out of the building by more Eldar voo doo magic shooting!

Big mek gets sniped!

  So now i have a few  Ork boys left.  But I think I can still win this thing!  Oh wait Fabio finally gets his Eldar bikes to come on and they can move over anything where ever they want no matter how retarded it may seem.

Fabio Eldar bikes, what terrain?

  These line breaking, point stealing devil machines deploy on my table edge, then  in one move end up right beside my objective, oh yeah and their troops too!

  Now because for some stupid reason I thought this black dice on the board was an objective marker, and being all clever I thought i would go to ground by it, not realizing I was 4 inches from the real objective!  I now had to NOT go to ground so I could get up and move to the objective.  Well I stuck my head up and head it take off by 70 wave serpent shots!
Ork boys decide to get up after going to ground and get wiped out

  So despite all this shit going on, I can still win this thing.  IF I wipe out the remaing  jet bikes on the 4 point Objective.  I shoot with my mega dread! NOTHING! (Elves on bikes in ruins get a 2+ cover save, AWESOME!)  So now its all up to the Gorkanaught.  Its Over time! With this one move he can win the game!  I move and I shoot!  And I wipe out ALL the jet bikes!  I WIN!  

Gorkanaught bullz eyes Jet bikes

  Wait, Fabio goes, shit wells there is the game.  And suddenly it dawns on me, Dam you Jimmy Bean burbon! I didnt think this completely through, my plan being to shoot some bikes and then charge.  Thus placing me on the objective for the win.  When on gods green earth is Ork shooting so good that it manages to wipe out stuff?  The Gorkanaught by wiping out the last remaing Jet bike gave me nothing to charge and now im stuck between two objectives holding neither one!

  So I look to Fabio and say, wow I just lost but blowing you off the table.  The Gorkanaught super stud all game just fired the shots that while killing Fabio, won him the war.  Huh?

Gorkanaught super shooting back firing badly

  So instead of winning by a few points I now lose by 1.  AWESOME!

 It was until that point a super fun and great game.  Hats off to Fabio for winning and finding my house.  I even had the road ripped up on one side to deter him from coming here, still didnt work!

  So the Eldar win over the Orks............again.  



  1. Haha! Wow! Go orks go!!!! Honestly the fact the orks lost by doing something they normally suck at, makes this story even more orky and fun :).

  2. Don't you win if you table him?

  3. You cant table the eldar, its on page 56 of their codex.

  4. I can't any of the pics. They just show up as a circle with a line through it.

    Anyway, don't feel bad about losing to the eldar, they are some serious dirty shit bags.