Friday, September 20, 2013

Jordan VS Dave FIGHT!!

As the ships materialized from the warp rift in which they traveled, Veritas was met with an unexpected surprise. 

“Proelium, is there record of an Eldar maiden world in this area of space?”  echoed Veritas’ brilliant orator’s voice.
“Of course not Your Honour, I would have notified you immediately.  Our spies informed us only of the Tyranid and Ork war, and of course of the movements of the “One’s who live The Lie”.  Replied Proelium, whose voice could not possibly be more different.  Hoarse and raspy, each word sounds like a vile curse spat from the lips of a dying man.
“Are our networks fully in place yet?” asked the voice of a born leader.
“Not yet Your Honour, our sources say they will need a few days yet.  Will this cause problems with “The Plan”?  I can have one flayed to move things along faster”
“No no, that will not be necessary.  Fetch Coarguo and, together, prepare an attack force.  We are going to test our mettle against these frail dying creatures, and perhaps sow some seeds of doubt in their spines.  Hurry, we must find a drop site quickly before they notice we have arrived”
“Yes Your Honour.”

So there is a little flavour text, and the last real serious thing to happen in this posting.  The rest of the battle report will be a fun adventure that, hopefully, will rival one of Robs jobs.
First things first, the beer.

Now I’m not much of a beer connoisseur so I went to the LC and picked 4 cold beers, one of them being in a huge bottle.  We cracked open the large bottle first and it was a beer from Quebec called La Fin du Monde which means The End of the World.  I really liked it.  It was not bitter at all, and in fact was quite sweet for a beer, with a fruity flavour.  Possibly orange.
The game starts off well enough with me getting to choose my table edge and choose the first turn.  I got to infiltrate 2 units with Mater of Deception and threw my chosen and a 10 man meltagun squad right in his face.

End of Turn 1
Then my oblit smacked the night spinner out of the sky

Dave responds by running away.  I mean falling back to a more tactical position along the table edge to my left.

I’m pretty sure he shoots some stuff but I don’t think anything happens.  So I rush him again and manage to immobilize another tank.  So far so good.

We go back and forth for the next couple turns killing each other’s shit.  He kills a bunch of marines, I kill a wave serpent, he kills some more marines, I kill some warp spiders, dire avengers, and wraithguard, etc., etc.  A couple notable events are; my 5 man squad survives a hail of bullets from warp spiders, wraithguard, dire avengers and 2 wave serpents and lose one model, then kill 3 wraithguard in one round of shooting, and Dave denying the witch against Puppet Master which would have had a warp spider shoot at the rear of the wave serpent that ended up costing me the game.
This goes on until turn 7.  

He has a 3 man dire avenger squad left in my far left corner, and has moved his seer and wraithguard deep into the left side of my deployment zone, going for faction points.  He also has one last wave serpent that I manage to get my oblit within 12”, and it fired off it’s shield last turn.

In order to win this game, I need several things to happen.  I need to make a 10” charge through difficult terrain so my chosen can wipe out the seer and wraithguard.  Then my cultists needed to kill the warp spider who, if he survived, would tear those cultists a new one.


Then I need to kill the 3 dire avengers with 2 combi-bolters and a tank shock, and kill the vulnerable wave serpent with my oblit who has missed his last 2 attempts.  Heck, even if I accomplish one of these things I’ll draw the game.

No dice, as they say.  Or shit dice as I say.  After 3.5 hours, 2 very large beers, and an up and down game that left me feeling exhausted, there was 1 scoring unit left, and it wasn’t mine and that means I lost.  In spite of that heartbreaking defeat, I had a fantastic time playing at Dave’s place and I would just like to say, once again for the 402,856th time, thank you to Dave for hosting, and at least making it look like I know what I’m doing.

So this was fun, I hope you all enjoyed it and I suppose I’ll do it again after the next game.  Top that Rob.


  1. And 40kegger has now officially invented the "Battle Report Battle".

    More epic than a rap battle and with far more moving pictures.

  2. Can we call that failed mortar attempt "the portable muffin cannon"?

  3. Zywiec!!! That's the budweiser of Poland. Ive gotten pretty tanked on that stuff In Poland

  4. I have a 1+ feel no pain rerollable save in the battle report battle rules.

    Great job though bud, nice to see more BR's then mine up there!

  5. Thanks Rob, that's high praise coming from you.

    And the "muffin cannon" is now trade marked and to be used to describe anything that looks threatening but in actuality is not.

  6. Great report! the "Muffin Cannon" was too funny!

    I guess we can put Meltaguns in this category right?