Monday, April 8, 2013

I gotz templatez Greg VS Homeless Rob




  Now before I begin our tale of blood and death and all that nice stuff, Greg and I decided to have a game at my place during the day.  Well the wife took that day off and wanted to stay home and do nothing, apparently that ment no nerd games.  So I got booted.

So after the king got booted from his throne, I asked Greg if he had any wives at his place during the day.  The answer was he had an estrogen free zone!

Its where all my best work is done.

Now this is the biggest game of warhammer I have ever played, a whopping 1850!  So I rounded up everything I had, stuffed animals, transformers, green army men and a potato with googly eyes and some pipe cleaners sticking out of it......just to hit the 1850 cap.

  I bring all this, Greg brings forgeworld to the table.  

Rob transporting Ork army

So after 2 hours I was set up.   Since Ork lack advance tactics I decided on something ala brave heart.....

Just because it didnt work in the civil war is no reason to abandon the charge line!

My set up VS Gregs:

And Gregs:

  So i get to go first.  Which I like doing.  So I charge and run and turbo boost.  My Lootas shoot like crazy hit nothing.....everything is normal.  Greg's Landraider of I gotz every weapon in the SM book, and I can shoot at everything at once decides to destroy a little bit of everything in my army.  WTF! I say its got a thunderfire cannon??? Yup he says, I you didnt tell me that, Nope he says you didnt ask!  Ok fair enough, I got the same answer about the multi-melta and lascannons and the shark with the laser beam on its head it launched after that.

   Huh, and I found out the green box has like armour 14 all around, must be a real bitch on gas.

  Turn 2.

   Cue the Lootas, they shoot hit shave a hull point off the Contemptor, and everything I got shoots at the reinforced Pope-mobile.  I get like a hull point off of it, wonderful.  Cue the Lootas because Greg and his pie plate madness destroys my Lootas 5x over with the ignore cover thunder fire cannon (of course it would have that too).

  Turn 3

View from Pope-mobile before it destroys the pagan loving Ork lootas

My flyer comes on and teaches the Contemptor a lesson in Waaaghh shooting! Contemptor is smoking hulk.  Wazzdakka and crew finally assualt the Landraider of everything and blow it up good.  Out pop the juicy ummies!  

  Now Greg pulls out this massive Green flying machine that looks like it might be real its so big.  Sticks it on the table in front of like 20 ork boys, 3 Deff Koptas, 3 Kans and 10 shoota boyz.  Then he starts pulling out pie plates.  WTF is that! I ask.  Why I got like 4 shots with this pie plate and 4 shots with that pie plate and 2 shots with this pie plate.  Huh????  Let me guess I forgot to ask!


So naturally I grab my case and prepare to put half my army away.  My Nob gets on the tele and asks for orders.....BRACE YOURSELF! I yell, prepare  for the worst!

The result of massive barrage? 3 Ork boyz dead.  That thing hits like a muffin!

Turn 4

  So I rokkit the hell out of the muffin cannon! And I get locked velocity!  Whoop T do!  Oh wait...says Greg, that could be bad or really good.  Ok I say, that couldnt be more vague.  Apparently the Muffin cannon is also a rammer.  That last sentence will be taken wrongly by google search engines and result in lots of very disappointed hits on this site by horny teen age boys.

  So apparently this flying thing rams other the air.  Well my Dakka jet is in front of it.  So the ram rams my dakka jet.  What happens?  The Ram hits my Dakka Jet and explodes because it doesnt destroy it, thanks to some fancy rolling by me and crashes to the ground!  Wait, what??? 

Who was flying that thing????


Now while i was laughing my ass off I kinda forgot about objectives and shit.  Well Greg didn't.  He rolled a dice to see if the game would end.  If he rolled a 1 or a 2 the game ends, and despite Greg having barely anything on the table he would win.  SON OF A BITCH!

What retard is running the Ork army?

Thankfully Greg rolled like a 6 for the first time all day.  Thanks Greg!  All his terminators fall out of the sky and crash into the ground infront of 6 DeffKoptas, 10 shoota boys, 2 big guns, 3 Killa Kans and 16 Ork boyz.    The result?  FUN!

Not a good place to land!

 Despite a heroic effort on Greg's part and blowning up one of my Kans (that took out like 8 ork boyz) he finally fell.  

Orks WIN!  

Thanks for hosting Greg!  Fun times as always!



  2. Rob's Battle Reports will sure make people laugh, and maybe even cause epileptic seizures...

  3. Read at your own risk, take breaks often......

  4. Surprisingly "Muffin Rammer" doesnt bring up anything pornographic lol

  5. I'm almost disappointed by that. Hilarious battle report, as always. Only 4 animated gifs though? Must be a new low...

  6. Great Report! These Orks are amazing!

  7. Well this time I thought I would head in a new direction and include you know pics of the actual game for once!

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