Sunday, September 23, 2012

Beer league batrep: Greg VS Lance

Last weekend Chris B had a bunch of us over to his place to get a few beer league games in. Chris played Fabio, Big Sean played Steve Brown and I played Lance. It was practically a nerd orgy. So we're clear, there is never any girls at a nerd orgy... But at the same time, it's not gay. Knowing I was going to make a batrep, I wrote down everything that happened to help me remember when it came time to make this post.

if these guys played 40k, they'd play gay knights

I knew that Lance had a gluten intolerance, and being the considerate dude that I am, got us some gluten free beer to try.
All I can say is... I am glad I don't play Lance again

 The beer was ok... but barely only ok. It was light and fruity and I could only choke down 2. Be forewarned. If I have to play another person with a gluten intolerance... That person will have to suffer hives or indigestion or anaphylaxis. I would drink bud lite lime before buying this again.

So, Like I said, I wrote down everything that happened every turn so I would remember when it came time to make this batrep, right... Well, I fucking lost the paper. I can count to potato!


Now all I have is a bunch of pictures that I have no idea what happening in them. Hope you fucking enjoy.

OH OH OH!!! I know what this one is! It's my army!
 I deployed 1 tac squad in the ruins with the tank and one tac squad in the 2 story ruins with support from the contemptor. The Rapier is deployed on the left flank of my board edege. Lance deployed a combat squad in his ruins on the right flank, his dreadnaught, razerback and rhino on the left flank.
I think this is deployment.

I think I won roll off. Im pretty sure I shot at the dreadnaught and missed with the rapier. The drop pod is in reserve (It's off the table right now)
Good ol' rapier. Always misses.
 On Lances turn 1 his drop pod full of Stern Guard drop infront of my contemptor and scatter a full 12 inches back. He was not happy.

Out of melta range, so they shoot bolters at the tac squad. Look at that hansom fellow in the back.

I think this was to hit something...?

My terminators outflanked and walked in the board edge (warlord trait) . Most of the stern guard were killed by the contemptor... I think

Multi Melta kills the rhino

Rapier kills the dreadnaught

Something something something... shit died

1/4 of an inch in his deployment... enough to get Line Breaker!

At the end of the day, I had 2 objectives worth 7 points. I got first blood and line breaker. Lance held 2 objectives giving him 5 points. Lance also took the "Only roll 1's and 2's to hit and wound" warlord trait. His dice took a huge crap on him. Good thing it was a fun game!


  1. Nice Greg... Really Nice..... and as for the "Orgy" Comment this is how that works:

    1+ guys (no girls) = Bros hanging out.
    1+guys and 1 girl = Sausage fest (or gangbang depending on age and if you said surprise)
    1+ guys and 1+ girls = Party

    Until next time kids, Keep fit and have fun!

  2. Regular orgy: lots of guys fucking lots of girls
    Nerd orgy: Lots of guys playing lots of nerd games

  3. I love how you did not show lance's army.

  4. Lance's kept his troops in his case until he deployed them. I also suck at making batreps. Feel free to make mine in the future

  5. Wow, that was a horrible bat rep. It makes me wanna do one too. Where can I make a horrible bat rep just like you Greg?

  6. It's not easy to make batreps that bad. You have to train hard to lose the paper you wrote everything down on and forget all the things that happen. You also have to not take enough pictures and be bad at writing. If you need any more tips or a mentor, let me know.